Friday, October 12, 2007

virtually broken hearts

I've seen more and more couples in SL lately trying to work through 'issues' that arise in spaces like Second Life. All the experiences I observe and hear about seem so similar in some ways, but always unique in others.

I know that some people don't 'get' online communities and just can't grasp how anything in them could be 'real'. I've had people tell me time and time again that 'sex with a cartoon' just doesn't appeal to them and I've gotta say that the idea of having Goofy or Pluto go down on me doesn't really send me to orgasm either, but that's not what SL is about. It's not about the right-clicking and 'sitting' on a poseball to make your avatar go through some pre-planned motion of sexual activity. It's about the private conversations. It's about smiling when you both type the same thing at the same time. It's about making a connection with someone you would have never met in RL, but have now come to have real feelings for because of this virtual space. It's about falling in love.

I've gotta say that over my years of time in online communities, I've fallen in love quite a bit. There are amazing people all over this world and when you think about how borders just fall away in communities like this, isn't amazing that we haven't achieved world peace just from loving each other in virtual worlds.

Inhibitions are lowered, and you're able to be more of 'yourself' in these environments, allowing people to fall in love with who YOU are and not necessarily what you look like, or what job you have, what car you drive, etc. Online communities allow for intense, personal, and extremely real interactions. What this means is that they also allow for intensely real broken hearts at times.

I have been in that situation.. more times than I'd like to think about really. I've thought my world would end, and I've sat in front of the computer glancing at the clock every minute waiting for someone to log on. I've cried myself to sleep over loves that never happened and loves that I wish hadn't happened. I've felt empty when an online lover doesn't sign on, and I've felt the desperation in wanting to take something 'online' into real life. I've felt the nervousness when something does become 'real' for the first time, and I've lived with the pain when it doesn't work out.

For everyone out there that's going through relationship issues with someone you met online, take it from a girl that's been there and listen to me. Work through it, make it happen, do whatever you need to do.. because it's worth it.

I honestly hate that - "Loving and losing is better than never loving at all" - bullshit because sometimes I don't think that's the case. Sometimes I wish I'd never met someone at all instead of meeting them and having them break my heart.. but I do know this. I do know, without a doubt, that I have learned so much about myself through these experiences that I would never give that up in a million years. You change, and grow and become a different person every time and that, my lovelies.. is priceless.



Roisin Hotaling said...

Pixel, your timing with this entry is spookily appropriate. It's the kind of thing I needed to read right now, having just lost both of my SL sweethearts within 24 hours.

I'll be back to re-read it as I heal, because I'm going to need to be repeatedly reminded that it's worth it to open up my heart the way I did.

Anonymous said...

After going through a number of SL relationships i have ended up with the following motto.

"Never make someone your priority while allowing them to make you their option."

This completely applies in SL as it does in RL.

Not sure why but i find that relationship develop very quickly in SL. Is it because we feel that we can more easily express our emotions??

I know in the past as some of my relationships came closer and closer it has effected RL relationships, both positively and negatively. While things are going well in SL, RL benefits, particulaliy if it a sexual relationship, omg some of the techniques i have learnt since SL. (ps my RL partner thanks all my ex SL partners)

But when things collapse the depressed mood brings RL down.

But as Pixel things you grow from the experience, the relationship, it hurts but it is part of who you are!

Good Luck Roisin

Cliff Hotaling

pixel bailey said...

I think we've all been there and we know how much these relationships can become part of your real-life and how they can affect your well-being inside and outside of SL. One other thing I do know is that the hurt does pass and you emerge from these experiences a new and better person.